i dont know what to say.
i dont know how to say it.
i dont know what i feel.
im numb.



so many things on my mind now.
but, for those who know a thing or two, even though i dont know who knows what, what you`re thinking that`s most on my mind right now, isn`t.

it`s not about that.

i can only tell you that you`re wrong.
digest that.


im feeling so different, different from the past, different.
just different.


don`t let your mind jump into conclusions, for what`s most on my mind now, i`ve yet to tell any.

how to? when i don`t know how to trust.



or who to trust.

this post is not made for any to understand.
so quit reading if you dont wish to.



bloody world.


im really disappointed. in you, my dearest friend. i`ve since lost the love of friendship i once had for you. lost the most important essence of friendship that i once found in you many moments ago.


how depressing. =(


life is different. ever since.



if only i lived in a three-year-old`s mind. im sure its amazingly peaceful in there.
childhood innocence. i want some of those, but that`s something i`ll never get.


anymore.



oh, the tears.


im so upset but none knows why. you`re probably wondering why im bottling up my thoughts inside. perhaps you`re thinking, like, how on earth am i gonna solve the problems if im not gonna tell anyone or whatsoever.

let me tell you.




im not letting anyone into my thoughts because.

because.



i`ve forgotten how to trust.

a sad truth.


i dont even know whats going on in the outside world. and when i say "outside world", i mean life outside my head.

i mean my dearest people.



so many things i do not know. so many things which i have to stumble upon it all by myself.

it hasnt been like any of the above in the past.


do i regret? is it cause of the one thing i`ve done? am i crying over my own spilt milk? am i?

do i? is it?

if only i have the power to foresee the eventful future, the ways my future will unfold into different chapters once i choose a path to walk.


it`s far too late to put the change to a halt.


talk about melancholy.
it`s all predestined.



you may not know it, but you`re changing too, my dearest friend.
or wait - are you still the dearest of them all?

a mystery to date.

i do not know.
because, im not told.


take it as a picture, piece it together.
and i find words staring back menacingly at me.
with intensity.


"you are a wreck, your life is changing."
damn.

if every sigh can take away a second of your life, i might as well sigh away the rest of it.


a vicious place to live.



dear friends, you`re all scaring me.


feel free to gossip about what exactly this idiot is talking about in her post.
feel free to exchange comments within yourselves.

you can continue thinking like, how would you people know what problems i have if i dont wanna say it all out.

or anything, anything you wish.

like hello?

im not dumb, people. im no genius, but im not stupid. i have a mind too, i can think.


and i can feel too.



all that can be said, has been said.


still a silent night.